KOH PHI PHI: A MERRY XMAS AND MISCHIEVOUS MONKEYS

The journey to Koh Phi Phi was a long and arduous one. First was the boat journey to the mainland, then a bus across the mainland, followed by another boat to Phi Phi. We were greeted there by some of the other members of the tour group who had done the Koh Phi Phi add on instead of coming to Koh Tao with us. Our hostel was called Blanco Beach Bar, and this wasn’t your regular party hostel, this place was hardcore. It was right on the beach and played blaring music until 3am, earplugs were futile and the bass vibrated the beds so hard I thought for sure I might fall out in the night. But we were there to party the first night, so I got suitably drunk and I’m not really sure what I did except dance on a bench to Gasolina by Daddy Yankee with my new best friends whose names I can’t remember. I had previously thought that Koh Phi Phi would be a tranquil island, but I was very wrong. This is party central.

The next day I woke up confused in the darkness of the room and was  absolutely convinced I’d slept on the beach. I found my phone and shone a light and saw that no, I was in my bed, I’d just brought half the beach back with me. We headed to Koh Phi Phi viewpoint, we’d heard there were two different ways – the easy way and the hard way which was more like a trek. Of course we wanted the easy way. We followed the signs and asked a man who assured us the way we were going was the only way to the top. Oh my god, I have never struggled as much in my life as I did on this journey. It was steep, there were no steps, and I was fucking hanging. I stopped about 80 times and told everyone to go on without me. But I made it. And to be fair, the view is good and possibly worth risking death for. On the way down we did the much easier route with actual steps that we’d managed to miss on the way up.

We hung around on the beach the rest of the day and then went out to a place called The Pirate House for dinner, which had some really good vegetarian Indian dishes. We then all split up and went secret Santa shopping in anticipation of the big day.

Day 3 on Koh Phi Phi was Christmas Day, and I was feeling fresh after I’d gone to bed early the night before, managing to sleep through the noise somehow. I started the day off with a big Chang and the hostel provided us with a free Christmas buffet dinner of fried rice, curry, chips and salad.

After this we did our secret Santa. The idea was this: everyone picks a number out of a hat (1-12 in our case). Number one chooses a wrapped present from the pile first and opens it. Number two then picks, but if they unwrap their present and prefer number one’s, they can steal it and swap with them. So basically number 12 is getting the pick of all the presents. I ended up with a painting on some material after cruelly having a mini tuk tuk stolen from me. We went to a pool party which was predictably shit. They always are, like I don’t want to be splashed constantly by a bunch of 18 year old lads or swim in 100 people’s wee. We went to get pizza for dinner and go back to the hostel where I decided to get a bucket. This turned out to be one of the worst decisions of my life. My mango daiquiri bucket was probably 3/4 rum and I don’t remember much of the night after that.

Good lord the Boxing Day hangover, Koh Phi Phi had ruined us and most of us had ended up in bed before 10pm and we were extremely worse for wear. We had to check out and go to Apache Dorm Room just 2 hostels down as we’d decided to extend our stay and Blanco was full. The previous day we’d booked a private boat to take us around different places in Phi Phi. This only came to 335 THB each. We went to Monkey Island first, where two monkeys ended up climbing on me. I thought they were pretty cute at first but it turns out they are horrible, viscous little shits. One of our group had bought some nuts to feed them, but of course they were immediately snatched off of him. Not wanting to be mugged off by a group of monkeys, he decided to chase after them to get his nuts back and save face. The monkeys were having absolutely none of it and bit him hard on his leg.


The boat trip then took us to Maya Bay, where the film The Beach starring a dreamy young Leonardo DiCaprio, was filmed. You have to pay to go into the National Park itself but it is stunning and well worth the money.
Later on that evening Craig, now known as rabies boy, had to go to the medical centre to get treatment for his bite. He had to have 5 jabs in just his first round, plus 2 weeks worth of pills that he wasn’t allowed to drink on. This cost him a total of 1200 USD and it wasn’t even over. Don’t pick fights with monkeys, kids. Now I was scared about my encounter with the monkeys, they’d been trying to pull down my bikini bottoms and definitely scratched me. They’d also tried to bite me and I had open wounds all over from being a clumsy twat. I decided to go to the clinic after my dad told me I had better. Luckily as mine was only a category two I only needed one jab that day, followed by 3 more at different intervals. Only.

Maya Bay Koh Phi Phi

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