KRABI TRAVEL DIARY: A SHIT TOUR AND NOT MUCH ELSE

Not much happened in Krabi to be perfectly honest with you. Tired out by the non-stop party that is Koh Phi Phi, we checked in to Pak Up Hostel and were amazed by the quality of the hostel after staying in shitty places for so long. Comfy beds! Hot showers! Under bed storage! Free shower gel and shampoo! Safe to say we were living the dream. That night we got some food and went to the bar downstairs, where we played giant Jenga which had really weird rules written on the pieces – 10 squats, 20 press ups, 5 jumping jacks. It was more like a fitness class than anything else. There’s a kebab lady just round the corner from the bar so I got some falafel and decided to call it a night.

After a lot of deliberation the previous day about which tour to do in Krabi- 4 islands? James Bond island? 2 islands?? And a lot of bitching from 2 of the girls about which one was better (they’re all just islands as far as I’m concerned). We finally booked the seven islands tour on the recommendation of a girl in our room, which promised to show us all Krabi had to offer. This girl owes us a day of our lives back. Do not book a tour with Mariam Travel and Tour. Do not subject yourselves to this.

We first got on a small boat, which took us to a big boat, went past Chicken Island (looks more like a turtle IMO). And stopped the boat to do some snorkelling, so far so good.

Then the real hell started after we went to the next island. We once again went through the hassle of disembarking the large boat and getting onto the smaller boat to get closer to the island. Only then we were told about half a mile from the shore that the small boat could take us no further as it was stuck on coral. I had to abandon my bag with all my valuables on the small boat and swim to the shore, where we were greeted by an extremely so-so Island. Hungry by this point, we went on a desperate search for food. By the time we found and finished our lunch. It was time to get back on the small boat, which was now parked (or whatever boats do) on a different beach, about a half a mile out again. This time, the water leading to the boat was extremely shallow and there was very sharp and painful coral the whole way there. We first tried to walk but found it excruciating, then tried bum shuffling but this turned out to be even more painful. In the end we settled for paddling on our bellies, scratching our fronts against the sharp rocks. Many of us had taken our phones and wallets onto the island and were now left with no choice but to hold them in our mouths while we doggy paddled slowly back to the boat. Overall this process took about half an hour, with people with very expensive cameras being the most cautious and last to get back to the boat. We then drove to the big boat, so we could drive to another island, get on a small boat, and go on the shore.

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We stayed on this island for a total of 3 minutes, I’m not even exaggerating. The tour guide tells us ‘everyone is hungry we’ll go to the next place to eat’. So we go for our ‘sunset BBQ’. Except it’s not a BBQ – which, being a vegetarian I’m delighted at. Plus there’s no sunset because when we get there the sun has already gone down. We eat some rice and curry on the pitch black beach, which to be fair was a fairly decent meal. Then we realised we couldn’t see anyone from our tour, and nobody had told us when to get back on the boat. So we panicked and rushed to get back on. They didn’t perform any checks throughout the day so it would have been entirely possible that we’d been left behind.

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Now was the only redeeming part of the tour, the bioluminescent plankton. We all put our snorkels and masks on and held onto a long rope between the boats. The lights on the boat were turned off and we put our heads under and thrashed around. The plankton glow when there’s movement, leaving a glowing trail behind our hands and feet. Unfortunately it’s apparently impossible to catch these on camera. Next we had to go back to the tour office for a ‘fire show’ and I honestly could have done a better job I swear. We all just wanted to go home at this point but we were forced to watch this guy twirling fucking fire around for 20 minutes. I’d seen enough fire shows on Koh Phi Phi to last me an entire lifetime. When it was finally time to leave the chaos began. They started calling out the names of the hundreds of people present one by one. With most of the names mispronounced this took what felt like 100 years. Overall I would rate this tour a 2.5/10, the same number of islands that we actually visited on our ‘7 islands’ tour.

The next day I surprisingly had food poisoning from the ‘BBQ’ and was unable to do anything. The others went to Tiger Cave Temple which was apparently really good, and does not contain any tigers. I dragged myself to Krabi hospital to get my 2nd rabies jab. Aaaand thus concludes the pretty shitty time we had in Krabi. I’ve heard from multiple sources that if you want a good time, you should stay at Slumber Party Hostel. It’s supposedly Thailand’s #1 party hostel and I’ve certainly heard some interesting stories from there.

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