KOH PHANGAN: PARTYING AND PISSING AROUND

Next on our tour agenda was Koh Phangan – Thailand’s infamous party island. We stayed at Thaintro‘s own accommodation Sarana Bungalows in Ban Tai. This was right on the beach and was home to 2 dogs wearing ties which obviously made me extremely happy. After having some food, playing around in the pool and taking some obligatory beach swing pictures, we were taken to party on Haad Rin beach (the Full Moon Party beach). It wasn’t very busy, as when it’s not Full Moon the island tends to empty a bit, but we still had a great time with 23 of us.

The next day it was absolutely pissing it down on Koh Phangan, but luckily it was a chill day and the first order of the day was a massage. I went for the oil massage, having had a Thai massage before and realising they’re brutal and the complete opposite of relaxing, but this woman still did not go easy on me. She was pulling my legs into positions they’ve never been before or will again. The rest of the day we spent eating at the resort and sitting on our phones. An enriching cultural experience for sure.

Day 3 on Koh Phangan we were taken out for a boat ride to some different beaches by a very hunky man called Steve. We just played around in the sea and had lunch on the beach. We’d been promised snorkelling but apparently it wasn’t the right weather or some shit.

Next, we were taken to two bars – 360 bar, which, as the name suggests, has a 360 view. The barman also sells weed and very kindly offered us some, but we had to decline. Then we went to a bar on a ‘secret beach’ on Koh Phangan. Maybe not that secret if they’ve built a bar there. But it was an incredible bar – it had swings and everything. Now, I had one pina colada here and I was pretty wankered, they don’t really use measures in Thailand and most drinks are about 80% alcohol 20% mixer. It’s dangerous.

We headed back to Sarana to get ready and then had a BBQ – with my vegetarian option being an extremely large chunk of tofu with a bit of BBQ sauce on it. They’d actually cooked up 3 of these and I was the only vegetarian so I felt bad and tried to get through at least one, but tofu is not something that should be eat in pieces of that size. We then went to the beach to have a bonfire and some more drinks (aka get even more pissed). Once the bonfire burned out we all got back to the bar area where things got a little weird. One of the guys was so drunk he’d fallen down a 5 inch (at most) step, grazed both his knees and pissed himself. He then proceeded to tell us at length and in grotesque detail about how he loves to eat his girlfriend out for ‘breakfast, lunch and dinner’. Two of the boys then got behind the bar to have a competition to see who could deep throat a banana the best. Which was actually quite impressive.

The next day we all woke up feeling like utter shite and dragged ourselves out of bed to go and see some elephants at a sanctuary on Koh Phangan. We got to feed them bananas first – they are greedy as fuck, like they don’t care about anything else. If you haven’t got any bananas left you can fuck off, basically. Then trekked with them, only a short distance but it felt like a very long time with a hangover. Our final task was to wash them, which was great fun and got us all suitably soaking.

Later that evening we went for a farewell dinner as a tour group, to say some emotional goodbyes and hand out some awards. It felt really weird that that was our last day together, 9 days honestly feels like a lifetime when you’re travelling. We went to another beach party after- I was trying to have a good time, I really was. But every drop of alcohol I drank tried to make a reappearance and I felt my eyelids trying to close themselves while dancing on a bench to the Macarena. So I called it a night early and had some beauty sleep. 

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